Shocked that no one from AROWS was allowed to be a partner of the Women’s March on Washington, DC the Executive Director of AROWS, the Women’s Bioethics Center for Age Related Ovarian Wastage Syndrome, as she fanned herself with the notebook whipped from the hand of a startled young reporter, exclaimed, “None of the speakers expressed solidarity with or sympathy for peri-AROWS-al women.”

The flushed E.D. wiped a tear (or possibly perspiration) from her face as she expounded on her theme: “We are estrogen deprived by both the aging process and because of so-called best practices medical guidelines, we can’t even bribe our Providers to provide hormone therapy on our high-deductible insurance. We sure can’t less afford the plastic surgery that the celebrities and transgender women invited onto the dais have obviously received.

“We could look like that, too, if we weren’t forgotten.”

As she marched off in her fuzzy, comfortable slippers, the Doctor was heard to sigh, “We’re your first wives and mothers. We know where your pill bottles are. And what’s in them.”